I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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