I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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