did you get engaged???
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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