I'm going to jail i love you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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