So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize