bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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