The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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