Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
