Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
