nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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