I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
