We named our party play list daddy issues
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
