I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
