pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
