I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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