Say something about gay babies.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
