And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
