you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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