just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
