I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
