hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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