Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
