How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
