so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's Friday. Sex?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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