please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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