I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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