Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
