If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
