We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
