This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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