i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
