I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
