ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
