i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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