At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
