so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
