So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
