I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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