I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
