the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
