do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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