did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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