I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
