he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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