if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
