mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
