I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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