My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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