Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
