4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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