I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize