I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
