Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
