Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
