A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize