I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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