The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
