a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
