In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're like the curious george of whores
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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