nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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