love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
