my room smells like sperm. sweet.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
