He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize