i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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