**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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