Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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