I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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